A few months ago, I changed the tag line of my blog to reflect that I consider myself on a journey to reclaim spirituality. I’ve been meaning to explain how I define spirituality, and Paul Sunstone specifically requested such a definition in his comment on my post about why I still like religion, so here goes.
I don’t believe in spirits, be it the Holy Spirit or any others, but there’s an experience which as a Mormon I knew as “feeling the Spirit.” Words are tricky for describing it. Sometimes it was deep contentment. Sometimes it felt like a truth I already knew at my core was being brought to the level of conscious thought. Sometimes it was peaceful, an assurance that come what may, everything would be alright. Love, a feeling that I had tapped into a source of love that was beyond myself yet in myself, older than anything, and yet ever new. It felt like I was glimpsing another realm. Does this realm actually exist outside of human imagination? My personal opinion is, probably not, but I don’t think that diminishes the significance of those experiences. Calling those experiences an encounter with Divinity makes as much sense to me as any other description I’ve heard. A longing for more of those “feeling the Spirit” experiences is a major driving force in my pursuit of spirituality.
But I see spirituality as more than just sitting around feeling holy. It is both a state of mind and a way of life. Some of the key elements are love, compassion, happiness and peace.
Compassion is a hard one for me. Caring about other people does not come naturally to me. I am not often intentionally mean, but my default tendency is pretty self-centered and mostly indifferent to the rest of the world. (All you regular readers, how often do I write about something that isn’t directly related to me?) That’s not the kind of person I want to be. I would like to be more caring. I would like to really see people more, to appreciate and honor them as individuals. I think everyone in this world just wants to be loved, and I would like to be the kind of person who could be a source of love for others.
A desire to cultivate love and compassion in my own life is one of the main reasons I am engaging with religion. I need reminders to curtail my selfish tendencies and the rituals, stories and symbols of religion provide that for me. Yes, humanism is compassionate and you absolutely can be compassionate as a completely non-religious person, but I have not found a secular equivalent that works as well for cultivating love and compassion for me personally. Secularism obviously works better for others. I’ve known people who were kind and loving and people who were mean and rotten and whether or not they were religious didn’t seem to have anything to do with it.
Now happiness. This is also a tough one for me. I have a history of depression. I am much better than I was in my teens and early twenties, but because that groove is so well-worn and familiar, it is easy to fall back into during times of stress, and the last several months have been stressful for me. I’ve noticed those dark thoughts and feelings creeping up on me again. One of my coping strategies is gratitude, to focus on what’s going right. I’ve started praying again as a means to direct that. I’m not at all convinced that I’m doing anything more than talking to myself, but it helps. (I want to write a more detailed post about this, though my life is too chaotic right now to commit to any timeframe of when I might do so.)
To take joy in one’s existence, to embrace the experience of life, to me that’s an essential part of a spiritual journey.
I know full well that atheism makes perfect logical sense, yet I can’t shake the sense of a deeper, sublime Something beyond the realm of ordinary existence. A few weeks ago I was at a thrift store and picked up Mary Oliver’s New and Selected Poems, Volume Two.
I’ve been reading that at bedtime where I used to read scripture, and can’t help but smile at how the poetry of a lesbian seems to be at least as effective a gateway into that sublime realm as the Book of Mormon was.
I’ve been reading that at bedtime where I used to read scripture, and can’t help but smile at how the poetry of a lesbian seems to be at least as effective a gateway into that sublime realm as the Book of Mormon was. I’m trying to get into that realm more often. That’s where I find the peace that allows rest and renewal. That’s where I draw strength to be able to give to others. That’s where I learn more effective ways of living.
That is why I am spiritual.
I really relate to this post. I too have had a lot of "spiritual" experiences and my lack of belief does not diminish those experiences. Those experiences have been valuable.
ReplyDeleteLike you I find that though I don't believe religion does help me have those experiences. I am a big fan of the UUs.
Though religion does not the soul source of good in the world I liked what you said about it being a vehicle to regularly remind us to do good.
One of the sermons given a few weeks ago at my UU congregation was about what a cop-out "spiritual but not religious was". At first I got a bit defensive but as the preacher(?) pastor(?) explained that religion was important because being a part of a group of people working for good causes is important and powerful. I agreed with that to a point.
Anyway I am kind of rambling a bit. Thank you for this post.
One of my first epiphanies about Mormonism came when I realized that I felt "the spirit" when I was reading great literature, seeing great art, etc., but rarely when I was at church. I also feel "the spirit" when I do good deeds. (I suppose some would say that means I believe in karma.)
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you're having a similar experience with Mary Oliver (I like her too.)Also in your desire to cultivate love and compassion in your life.
Good luck on your spiritual quest, and thanks for the insightful post.
I agree with you wholeheartedly.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if this means much, but your example has helped me see the world differently. I also see the logic in atheism, but it hasn't ultimately improved my life or made me happier, so I am re-discovering spirituality in other ways. Thank you for being honest, and for refusing dogmatism regarding your atheism.
ReplyDeleteLeah, you have explicated so wonderfully many of my own feelings in this post. Like you and several other posters, my experiences with "the Spirit" are not restricted to church; in fact the first time I can really remember feeling it was most definitely not at church (it was in school, horrors!).
ReplyDeleteI feel that a person can be an atheist or agnostic and still seek spiritual experiences. My spirituality has no dogma, and neither does my lack of belief in higher deities. There can be worship without belief.
I like to say that my spiritual life evolved from a literal one to a literary one. While I do not have any belief in supernatural beings existing in any literal sense, I do find sources of strength, wisdom, and insight in the mythologies of many different belief systems and cultures. They don't have to be literally real in order to be helpful in guiding me through my life. I get the same benefits from looking at art, reading my favorite books, and all other ways of seeking out that which feeds my mind, my emotions, and ultimately, my soul ("soul" defined simply as that which makes me who I am, the sum total of my thoughts, memories, beliefs, and emotions that equal one unique person).
ReplyDeleteI think it is a false dichotomy to assume that you have to believe in a literal existence of a god in order to benefit spiritually from the stories and ideas surrounding it.
"I know full well that atheism makes perfect logical sense, yet I can’t shake the sense of a deeper, sublime Something beyond the realm of ordinary existence."
ReplyDeleteThat sums it up perfectly. I have my atheist days, and then I have days where I am sure that there must be a God. And in the end it is just like you say, I can't shake the sense that God is there, but I think God looks very different from who I used to think God was.
I find that feeling when I meditate.
ReplyDeleteI think even if we don't believe in god, we can still believe in miracles and have faith and hope. We can still feel uplifted or "spiritual". I like to believe in spirits though, myself. Just not spirits of people I've never known.
ReplyDeleteAgree, agree, agree! I can't bring myself to believe in any sort of dogma, but at the same time, there's just something that religion gives me that nothing else does.
ReplyDeleteHave you read anything by Bishop John Shelby Spong? I'm almost done with "A New Christianity for a New World" and it's blowing my mind. He's an Episcopal bishop who rejects dogma and literalism. If you haven't read any of his stuff yet, I think you would really enjoy it.
Kiley, I <3 the UUs! I, too, get defensive when people dis "spiritual but not religious." Various religions can be valuable vehicles for spirituality, but I don't think they're necessary for everyone. One size does not fit all.
ReplyDeleteDonna, thanks! Feeling "the Spirit" in non-Mormon contexts was one of my epiphanies too.
Foxy, thanks!
Arual, that means a lot! Good luck to you as you explore new domains.
Diana, thanks! "There can be worship without belief." I love that!
Kat, evolving from literal to literary is a great way to put it.
Young Mom, I'm finding myself less satisfied with "atheist" as a label for myself, but I'm hesitant to drop it because I don't want anyone thinking I believe in the God I believed in as a child. I guess I'm edging toward agnosticism and symbolic, non-literal views of God.
Eric, I find that in meditation too.
Becky, thanks!
Eliza, thanks! I've heard good things about Spong but haven't had the chance to check out any of his stuff myself yet. Definitely on my list though!
I am sure you know that lots of atheists are spiritual. I think your intuitions are correct.
ReplyDeleteHave you ever considered looking at Jesus Christ without invoking "religion" into it? As a follower of Christ, I find that many churches have distorted His teachings and who He really was. They had added things to, and sometimes even taking away things from, the real Jesus Christ.
ReplyDeleteOK. I'm going to try this again as my first comment did not post. :(
ReplyDelete"I can’t shake the sense of a deeper, sublime Something beyond the realm of ordinary existence"
I had a question with the previous statement. When you say "ordinary" you don't mean "natural" correct? I think I get what your saying. I also feel a "rush" and an indescribable feeling when surrounded by nature. However, I'm pretty sure these feelings are biological and chemical and while we can't explain it, I don't consider it supernatural. But I don't think that it makes these experiences any less amazing! I mean, I think it says something that we have evolved to crave these experiences. It's part of our nature to seek after them. In any way we can.
I loved the post. Thanks for sharing.
Hypatia, I suppose by "ordinary" I mean "quotidian," just the common, mundane motions we go through during the course of living. I think we can get a lot more out of life if we take time to stop and pay attention and live with intention instead of just drifting around.
ReplyDeleteI know the "rush" you're talking about. I don't believe it's caused by any supernatural forces or spirits. I think it's something that's within us. Some people get it from nature, some from religion, or some combination of the two. I agree that that craving probably does have evolutionary roots. Whatever purpose it serves isn't entirely clear, but that doesn't stop me from seeking that experience out.
Thanks for reading!
OK. I'm going to try this again as my first comment did not post. :(
ReplyDelete"I can’t shake the sense of a deeper, sublime Something beyond the realm of ordinary existence"
I had a question with the previous statement. When you say "ordinary" you don't mean "natural" correct? I think I get what your saying. I also feel a "rush" and an indescribable feeling when surrounded by nature. However, I'm pretty sure these feelings are biological and chemical and while we can't explain it, I don't consider it supernatural. But I don't think that it makes these experiences any less amazing! I mean, I think it says something that we have evolved to crave these experiences. It's part of our nature to seek after them. In any way we can.
I loved the post. Thanks for sharing.
I am sure you know that lots of atheists are spiritual. I think your intuitions are correct.
ReplyDeleteHave you ever considered looking at Jesus Christ without invoking "religion" into it? As a follower of Christ, I find that many churches have distorted His teachings and who He really was. They had added things to, and sometimes even taking away things from, the real Jesus Christ.
ReplyDelete