Thursday, April 1, 2010

"So what DO you believe?"

I've been asked this a few times, so I thought I'd take a stab at answering it. It's a bit of a challenge because aspects of my beliefs are frequently evolving. Here's where I am today.


I'll preface this with Senator Moynihan's classic quote: "You are entitled to your own opinion, but you are not entitled to your own facts." So the following is my own opinion. As far as influencing public policy or being a blueprint for how other people should live or believe, it should hold about as much weight as my opinion that Mike Rowe is way hotter than Brad Pitt, or my opinion that red high heels go with everything. Glean whatever is useful or rings true for yourself, and leave the rest.


I don't believe in any kind of god out there, no Supreme Being or creator or entity that listens to prayers or intervenes in human affairs or cares about whom we have sex with or whether or not we worship it. I am an atheist. 


Many atheists are content to set spirituality aside altogether, or were raised in non-religious families so never had it in their lives to begin with. That's a position I have no objections to, but that's not me.


Other atheists find non-religious ways to experience spirituality, enjoying and appreciating the natural world and the universe. This certainly describes me. My sense of wonder at the universe in which we live, our planet and the other life forms with whom we share it has increased since leaving organized religion.


But I still find much to love about many religions. I like the stories. I like the symbols. Maybe it's the literary writer in me that has the affinity for narrative and symbolism. In Julia Sweeney's fabulous monologue Letting Go of God,she talks about reading Karen Armstrong's book A History of God.Sweeney appears to reach an epiphany when she reads Armstrong's assertion that what matters most about religious stories isn't whether or not they're historically accurate, but whether or not they're psychologically true. But then Sweeney asks, "But what does that mean?!" She describes sitting in mass Easter Sunday and looking at Jesus on the cross and thinking about death and rebirth. "Okay. I get it. Psychologically true." Then she asks, "But what about Persephone in the underworld? Isn't that 'psychologically true' too?" She asks the question rhetorically, but my would answer would be, "Yes, and I love the story of Persephone every bit as much as I love the story of Christ." I like the stories. I would add, though, that I don't place any higher significance on a story simply because it's associated with a religion. I find purely fantastical stories like The Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter to hold psychological truths, too.


I like the rituals. I commented a few days ago about missing Mormon temple worship. I usually found the Sunday meetings boring, but I liked the solemnity and the mystery and the pageantry of the temple. When I was 18 and a freshman at Arizona State University (and still very much a believing Mormon), I used to go to the daily Catholic mass services at Danforth Chapel in the middle of campus. I even took their communion (I didn't know you weren't supposed to). I just liked it. Mormon services (outside of the temple) are awfully sparse when it comes to art and ritual. The ritualism of mass appealed to me, for reasons I can't really explain. Perhaps it had to do with mentally focusing on an activity and flow and ecstasy. 


I don't think that religious practice evokes any sort of external magic, but I think that if the practitioner is in the right frame of mind, hearing a story, considering symbols or taking part in rituals can create an internal alchemy. 


An excerpt from Ralph Waldo Emerson's poem "Gnothi Seauton":

God dwells in thee. 


It is no metaphor nor parable, 
It is unknown to thousands, and to thee; 
Yet there is God.
Along those same lines, the Sanskrit greeting "Namaste" has various interpretations which all acknowledge the divine within each person. 


I have a place inside me that I call my God-spot. It's a physical location within my body, around my aortic artery, where I feel sensations that at one time I associated with God. These experiences made me feel loved, peaceful, made my life feel more meaningful, sometimes gave me comfort. This is the internal alchemy I'm talking about. I realize that this experience can probably be scientifically explained as some sort of chemical reaction in my body and that it's not really caused by some omnipotent being. I like the experience anyway, and I want more of it.


I don't have this experience as often as I did when I was religious. Now, my religion also included an avalanche of self-destructive beliefs and rules and I'm more than glad to be rid of those. If I have to pick between giving up the warm fuzzies or the depression and hopelessness, I'll definitely let the warm fuzzies go. But I'm glimpsing ways to reclaim the good stuff without swallowing all the crap that many seem to think has to go along with it.


My music history professor said in a lecture a few weeks ago, "Extremists rarely create great art; they just open doors." He was referring to the opera seria compositions of Gluck, which were a reaction against the over-the-top, vocally-showy-without-much-plot opera buffa of the Baroque period. Gluck's operas put the text and the plot first, with the music being an almost purely utilitarian means of delivering the text. As a result, his operas are rarely performed anymore because they're boring. Then came Mozart, who gave great care and attention to the text, but balanced and even enhanced the dramatic concerns with beautiful music. Voilà! The middle way that endures for centuries.


I needed a time to let myself be angry for all the ways religion messed me up and all the damage it's caused--and still causes--in the world, but for my personal life, I want to move passed that now. Strict religiosity did not suit me, but I'm finding strict secularism to be ultimately unsatisfying as well. If I have to pick between the two, I pick secularism, but I don't think those are my only two choices. I think there's a middle way.


I'm still seeking.


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12 comments:

  1. Interesting essay. It's very different from the experience of those of us who grew up without religion at all. Anything "spiritual" is a closed book to me, and I've never felt I was missing anything.

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  2. Purely one way or the other is a hard place to be. I have a belief in something. Something greater than ourselves (myself). I like the protocol of ceremonies. I like the repetition. It is what makes us remember. Not sure if I totally grasps what you were trying to convey. I am not an atheist or agnostic, I do believe but not 100% sure in how it works. I know Religions are social constructs meant to have a social order. For others without that religious guidelines, social norms become the way. :-)

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  3. Isn't it is fact that Mike Rowe is hotter than Brad Pitt and red high heels go with everything?! That being said, I enjoyed this post. Personally, I think there is a world of difference between personal spirituality and religion. I don't think they are in the same class at all. I know many people of both varieties and in my experience those with religion are far more judgmental than those with spirituality. Keep blogging. :)

    Namaste
    Renee

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  4. A wise man once said that whoever seeks will find.

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  5. I am like this- a former-Mormon now-atheist who is spoken to in some deep place by religious symbolism and ritual. I love Karen Armstrong's work. I tried going to a United Church of Christ congregation for awhile, but it felt disingenuous due to my lack of belief. Looking for ways to be spiritual without belief.

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  6. "Stories are wonderful. I think every culture's stories have something of value to offer.
    But we need to know when a story is just a story."

    Amen, sister! Amen!

    This is what the New Atheists are looking for right now, as could be seen in Harris' TED talk. And he seems to be suggesting we could certainly find a 'middle way'. It may turn out to be a scientific story filled with field studies instead of metaphors, but the great thing is that it just might work!

    symbol, ritual, community, story -- the building blocks of meaning. They invest into the viewer/practitioner/member/listener paths to understanding. And we can study and evaluate the worth of each.

    There are some really great books out there on this sort of thing.

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  7. I know I am a little late in commenting on this, but I just had to give you my thoughts. As I read your essay, I had to wipe away a tear or two. I understand 100 percent where you are coming from when it comes to lacking belief but still enjoying a personal spirituality. After getting to know other atheists over the past few years, I was beginning to think I was the only one who felt anything like that! I experience that same internal alchemy from being emersed in nature, and I too love the stories and rituals of all religions, and I experience that same alchemy from both religious stories and purely secular ones (I can say with all sincerity that the "Harry Potter" series gives me more comfort and enlightenment than any religion ever did or possibly could). I grew up in a multi-religious family, so I was exposed to a variety of ideas and beliefs, and for the most part, was allowed to decide for myself. I observe the 8 "Wheel of the Year" holidays of Paganism as a way of honoring the natural processes that support all life (google "Wheel of the Year" if you are unsure what I am talking about). Those holidays have indeed been observed in some form or another in many places around the world for thousands of years, and I think it is because the legends and theory surrounding them don't require a literal belief in a deity, but rather a reverence and respect for existence itself, particularly living things.

    It's kind of a silly title, but there is a book called "Grimiore for the Apprentice Wizard" by Oberon Zell-Ravenheart that I think you would very much appreciate. The kind of magick and wizardry he talks about is not particular of any religion, and is not the kooky new-age "light a green candle and you'll get money" sort of magick. It is more about gaining a new kind of mindset, a perpetual curiosity, and becoming grounded and centered within yourself so that you can see the world around you for all it's possibilities.

    Much love to you!

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  8. Kat, comments are always welcome, even if they're late. :-)

    I've been meeting more "skeptical but spiritual" and even religious individuals over the last several weeks. It's an interesting niche within atheism. We're out there. Blogging is a great way to find each other and build community.

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  9. Perhaps what is really happening to you is a deep disbelief in religion with a deep desire for God. I just have to say that the god so many faiths preach, and I was raised baptist,
    is a god (small g on purpose) of condemnation and guilt.
    The true God is everything you seek. Love..joy..beauty...compassion...adventure.

    Just a thot... :-)

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  10. That is a beautiful thought, Steve. Thanks for sharing it.

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  11. Isn't it is fact that Mike Rowe is hotter than Brad Pitt and red high heels go with everything?! That being said, I enjoyed this post. Personally, I think there is a world of difference between personal spirituality and religion. I don't think they are in the same class at all. I know many people of both varieties and in my experience those with religion are far more judgmental than those with spirituality. Keep blogging. :)

    Namaste
    Renee

    ReplyDelete
  12. Purely one way or the other is a hard place to be. I have a belief in something. Something greater than ourselves (myself). I like the protocol of ceremonies. I like the repetition. It is what makes us remember. Not sure if I totally grasps what you were trying to convey. I am not an atheist or agnostic, I do believe but not 100% sure in how it works. I know Religions are social constructs meant to have a social order. For others without that religious guidelines, social norms become the way. :-)

    ReplyDelete

Religion, skepticism, and carving out a spiritual life post-Mormonism