and The Mermaid Chair.I don't quite remember how I came across the book. I know the subtitle caught my eye: A Woman's Journey from Christian Tradition to the Sacred Feminine. The Sacred Feminine? I thought. What's that?
Turned out, "that" was a huge part of what I'd been longing for and had been missing in all my previous religious experience. Kidd writes of being raised as a Baptist in the deep South, a heavily patriarchal culture and mindset to which I could certainly relate, having grown up Mormon in a rural and predominantly Mormon community.
Mormons actually have a doctrine about a Heavenly Mother, but I barely knew anything about her, except that we weren't supposed to talk about her, much less to her, because she was just too sacred. Even as a goddess, she apparently still needed the protection and authority of a man. My image of her was a downtrodden woman popping out trillions of spirit babies then not being allowed or able to have anything to do with them once their mortal lives began, just having to sit back, watch her children suffering, struggling, killing each other, but having to leave all the real parenting to Heavenly Father.
I became especially curious about Heavenly Mother after the I became a mother myself, right around the time I was re-baptized and trying my damnedest to regain a testimony in Mormonism and make it work. The gag order on Heavenly Mother discussions made me feel lonely. Motherhood was an important aspect of my life, for which I had no divine role models with whom I was allowed to communicate. I didn't know about sites like Feminist Mormon Housewives at the time. If I had, this story may have turned out differently, though I have no regrets about leaving the Church.
The debate rages about whether Mormons are "real" Christians, but the love of Christ was always part of my understanding and why I chose to stay within Christianity at the beginning of my post-Mormon seeking. I was attending a Presbyterian church here in Fargo pretty regularly. It was alright, though nothing that made me especially excited. That's when I found Kidd's book. I found the idea of a Goddess alluring, and I liked that one reviewer said it was firmly rooted in Christian tradition.
I couldn't put it down. She describes herself as a "conventionally religious, churchgoing woman, a traditional wife and mother," until one day in her late 30s she had a dream about giving birth to herself, and suddenly she "woke up." I related to the outrage, the pain, the longing of a soul yearning to burst forth and grow. Every page was a revelation: I am as much like the divine as a man. I cheered as she found the courage to speak and live by her truth, rather than a truth handed down from authority, a model I've tried to follow as I relearn how to trust myself.
After reading, I concluded, I will never find what I am looking for within Christianity. It marked the absolute end of my looking to any sort of established religion as holding any sort of divine authority. Now my feelings are closer to, I will never find all I am looking for within Christianity. I do find meaning in the eucharist and the stories, songs and traditions. I find Christianity to be a mostly "in my head" religion though. For more earthy, sensual, bodily sorts of spirituality, I turn to a Mother Goddess.
Diana at Picaresque wrote about the absence of Heavenly Mother for all practical purposes from Mormon practice and discussion, and writes, "I am not currently in need of a well-broken religious path to follow, but you may be assured that if that time comes, the path I choose will welcome and revere women and sing praises to a divine lady." Amen, sister!
Reading you write "For more earthy, sensual, bodily sorts of spirituality, I turn to a Mother Goddess." I have to - like often in similar situation - think of the following passage from Neil Gaiman's "American Gods":
ReplyDelete"[...] And tell me, as a pagan, who do you worship?"
"Worship?"
"That's right. I imagine you must have a pretty wide-open field. So to whom do you set up your household altar? To whom do you bow down? To whom do you pray at dawn and at dusk?"
Her lips described several shapes without saying anything before she said, 'The female principle. It's an empowerment thing. You know?"
"Indeed. And this female principle of yours. Does she have a name?"
"She's the goddess within us all," said the girl with the eyebrow ring, color rising to her cheek. "She doesn't need a name."
"Ah," said Wednesday, with a wide monkey grin, "so do you have mighty bacchanals in her honor? Do you drink blood wine under the full moon while scarlet candles burn in silver candleholders? Do you step naked into the seafoam, chanting ecstatically to your nameless goddess while the waves lick at your legs, lapping your thighs like the tongues of a thousand leopards?"
"You're making fun of me," she said. "We don't do any of that stuff you were saying." She took a deep breath. Shadow suspected she was counting to ten. "Any more coffees here? Another mochaccino for you, ma'am?" Her smile was a lot like the one she had greeted them with when they had entered.
They shook their heads, and the waitress turned to greet another customer.
"There," said Wednesday, "is one who does not have the faith and will not have the fun,' Chesterton. Pagan indeed. [...]"
Please don't understand me wrong: As a queer bloke raised in a part Christian, part Muslim environment and otherwise enamoured with the historically very male-dominated scientific principle, I do have my personal problems relating to feminine divinity. I don't even really understand the traditional queer Judy-Garland-and-Barbara-Streisand worship. But I really, really do not want to question the validity and value of specific female deities (and personally I do count Athena, Artemis, Kali, and Sekhmet, and to a lesser extend even Beira/Jörd amongst my personal recipients of worship and reverence). But when you see in this Heavenly Mother a liberating deity, I am very curious how this liberation actually manifests itself.
Of what exactly does she free you?
Is it "just" a (rather vague, I imagine) role-model, in other words just the image of God with boobs and without a dick (if you forgive the crudeness), to better represent you in your corporeal femininity? It does sound a little bit like that, and if you simply take the gender division and carry it into the heavenly spheres... if you need the divine to wear the same corporeal trappings to define their roles and behaviour and who they can represent... isn't that more a shackeling of the gods and goddesses and less a liberation of us humans? Don't you thus cement the idea of men and women being tied to specific realms, privileges, and obligations?
(As an not-quite-aside: I am raising a boy together with his mother, that is to say, she is his biological mother, but he shares no genes with me beyond us both being human; I and he both see me as his dad, though, and I think so does his mother. I say this, because both as a role model, and in the question what and how to teach him - in general and in his own specific gender role - I often question my own position and paradigm, and think hard about how to fulfil my role as father.)
As much as I love Neil Gaiman and as much as I truly adore American Gods, the book gives short shrift indeed to modern pagans in the US, particularly the passage quoted below.
ReplyDeleteI venture, for myself, that the necessity for a female deity is rooted in the need to overturn our society's views and restrictions on women. The female body particularly has never been venerated in our lifetime; its functions, uses, needs, desires, and appearances have been controlled by men. Learnings about goddesses and coming to recognize the divine in ourselves is a significant part of many women's paths.
For me it has nothing to do with forcing a human gender identity on deity, since I am an atheist. It DOES have to do with the liberation of my sexuality, my physical appearance, my will, my voice, and my power. There is a reason that the modern goddess movement arose hand in hand with ecology and feminist movements.
My power (with all that entails), and that of many women throughout history and currently, has been squelched. Learning goddess lore and honoring these archetypes and legends is one way for me to get past that.
Thank you for linking to my blog, Leah!
This is a wonderful post.
FreeFox, I've read your comment through three times, and I really just don't think I understand what you're asking. I don't consider myself pagan and I don't see myself limiting divinity or any specific deities, be they male or female. I grew up with a very narrow, literal and specifically defined view of what God was: A straight white man, the anthropomorphic representation of who holds the power in our culture today. For me it was liberating to see images of the divine that represented me and my experience. I would second everything in Diana's comment.
ReplyDeleteDo you know of queer deities? I ask out of genuine curiosity. I don't know of any, though I acknowledge I'm very much a novice on the the world's religions. What would (does) it mean to you to have gods who are like you in this way?
My pleasure, Diana! And I echo all the sentiments in this comment!
ReplyDeleteNosing in here. :B Cybele might be considered a "queer deity"--or at least one with queer followers; historically male devotees castrated themselves and then assumed female clothing and identities. Zeus, Pan, and Apollo took male lovers in various stories.
ReplyDeleteLoki has some crossdressing stories associated with him (I think Thor does as well).
I believe Horus and Set have a homosexual myth or two.
The Hijra (third sex) in Hinduism have an associated goddess, Bahuchara Mata.
I look forward to hearing FreeFox's thoughts on specifically gay/queer deities! I think to move forward in any spiritual path a person needs to have an image of the divine which reflects them and their experiences. Their path may then wind beyond that image, but I have found it difficult to develop a spirituality based around a divine image totally foreign to me (which I suppose is why Mormonism did not meet my needs). Studying goddess stories was a great help to me in figuring out what I needed and wanted from my spirituality.
Nosing in here. :B Cybele might be considered a "queer deity"--or at least one with queer followers; historically male devotees castrated themselves and then assumed female clothing and identities. Zeus, Pan, and Apollo took male lovers in various stories.
ReplyDeleteLoki has some crossdressing stories associated with him (I think Thor does as well).
I believe Horus and Set have a homosexual myth or two.
The Hijra (third sex) in Hinduism have an associated goddess, Bahuchara Mata.
I look forward to hearing FreeFox's thoughts on specifically gay/queer deities! I think to move forward in any spiritual path a person needs to have an image of the divine which reflects them and their experiences. Their path may then wind beyond that image, but I have found it difficult to develop a spirituality based around a divine image totally foreign to me (which I suppose is why Mormonism did not meet my needs). Studying goddess stories was a great help to me in figuring out what I needed and wanted from my spirituality.
I love everything you have said here! I am curious about that book now, as I absolutely LOVE "The Secret Life of Bees!" I have read it several times and loved the themes of the divine feminine within ht estory.
ReplyDeleteWow, I said "love" alot, didn't I? lol
ReplyDeleteIf we are not a united self, and prayer is addressing the many selves in our mind, it would seem very important for a woman to address women inside her.
ReplyDeleteI'm interested by this:
ReplyDelete"For more earthy, sensual, bodily sorts of spirituality, I turn to a Mother Goddess."
I wonder if you've ever been attracted to any of the cults of the Madonna, and if not, how is that different than this? In any case, I must say that when Western Christianity is too patriarchal they portray God as straight white man... a shame, I say. God is not human, so not a man, nor white, nor straight. He transcends those categories but I think that reflections of the characters of God can be uniquely found in both men and women as a group.
And as for an earthy, sensual spirituality, it's that longing that has grown the charismatic church. In some ways I find it annoyingly based on emotion, but in other ways I find it a needed counter to the rationalism of Western religion, including the Western approach to Christianity. I find the faith of Christians in the third-world to be much more earthy and sensual and .... FELT... if you know what I mean. It is much easier for me to believe when I am with them than when I am here in the USA.
Then there's the idea of various personalities needing different ways of worship. I haven't read it, but multiple people have recommended the book Sacred Pathways by Gary Thomas. For instance, for me, a long walk in the middle of beauty is like medicine for my soul. I don't think that has to do with a nature God, I think it has to do with the way I am personally wired.