My husband has a different perspective, but my analysis of the situation is that we just got married too young. I'd had the importance of marriage drilled into me since birth, so when we met and it was going well, I figured we should get married. It never occurred to me to just have a boyfriend. A few years in, I realized it was not turning out to be what I wanted, but I was raised with the mentality that marriage is marriage and it's for life and unless he's hitting you, you stay and make it work! I figured I'd just have to make the best of it, and he is a really good guy. But I'm at a point where I don't want to spend the rest of my life "making the best of it."
So I've been reading lots of books about divorce over the last few months since I certainly never got any education about it growing up, except that it's bad, bad, bad. One book said that 90% of people who get divorced still love each other, and that is certainly the case with us. I have no regrets. Looking back, I don't know what else I could have done under the circumstances. He gave me a safe and loving place to grow up where I'd had none before, but I was too young to know who I was and what I wanted when I got married. Now I do, and this isn't it. I can't stay. There will be nothing left of me if I do.
I'm moving this weekend. I don't know when or if I'll get internet at my new place, so blog post frequency and comment response time will likely take a dive.
I apologize for letting the "Great Posts" thing slide. I think over-committed myself there. I've read about half of the submissions so far. I really appreciate everyone who sent me a link. I don't know how long it will take me to get through the rest of them. Just know that it's on my list.
Also, as of yet, I don't have a job, though I'm planning to break into freelance copywriting once I get settled and my kids are little more used to all the changes, so if any of you know someone who needs such services, it would be great if you could point them my way.
Sing us to break, Sarah.
Having seen friends go through this process, even when it worked out for the best, it still wasn't easy for anyone.
ReplyDeleteAll the best, and if we can be of any assistance, just let us know.
I'll keep my eye out for the freelance stuff too. When you get settled, let me know, and I may have some resources for you - places that I use for freelance programming that do copy writing as well.
I’m sad to hear it, but I hope you can find happiness in the future.
ReplyDeleteGood Luck
ReplyDeleteOookay..
ReplyDeleteChange like this takes courage! Best wishes to you, Leah.
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts and best wishes are with you.
ReplyDeleteDivorce is difficult, even if you're out of the church circles where it's considered unacceptable. I hope this week... and the ones to come... aren't too painful!
ReplyDeleteJust echoing my support and best wishes, Leah.
ReplyDeleteA big change indeed. I hope you find what you are looking for. Life is too short to just exist. I have always said marriage works as long as it works for both.
ReplyDeleteGood luck.
Sorry Leah. I had it happen many years ago and have watch it with epidemic proportions happen to several close friends in the last year.
ReplyDeleteOn a brighter note, I have a short story that is about 75% complete that I would love to have published, or at least try, so when you get settled, get a hold of me and I'll throw some business your way.
I'm glad to hear you've chosen to do the right thing for yourself and your family. It really sucks that we live in a society that says physical abuse is the only reason not to stay in a relationship. I mean, really? It has to be hell before you're justified in leaving? Just being unhappy or unsatisfied isn't good enough?
ReplyDeleteTake care, I know you don't know me that well but I'm here if you want to talk or just vent.
Just plain old breakups are excruciating for me (a 23 year old). I can't imagine how a divorce must feel. I hope it goes as well as it can.
ReplyDeleteLeah, you are in my thoughts, if that isn't too creepy a comment from someone you've never met. :)
ReplyDeleteAt one time I judged people very strongly for getting divorced. I believed that B.S. that anybody could make it work (barring abuse) if they tried hard enough. Now I realize that we can never truly understand what happens in the intimate life of two married people, and I don't believe anybody takes divorce lightly or sees it as an exit strategy in the event that the toilet seat is left up too often. I wish you the best and hope you have in-person support as you go through this process (in addition to in-blog people who think you're pretty awesome).
(I tried to comment earlier today, but it appears that my comment didn't post. Take two...)
ReplyDeleteThis must be quite an upheaval in your life, and I'm wishing you strength and luck on the road ahead.
I am so sorry that you are going through such a difficult time in your life. I have been through divorce myself, but while I still loved my spouse dearly, the feeling was not mutual, and I came to find out later that it never was, and I was being used for many, many things. I hope you and your ex will be able to go through this process peacefully and continue to be united in raising your children, even though the other aspects of your life are separate now. Much love to you and your family, and may you have the strength, determination and dignity to undergo this new change in life, and come out the other side with wisdom and a heart that is free to grow bigger after it has been broken.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with this newest step in your life. I'm sure you'll do great!
ReplyDeletei wish you the best.
ReplyDeleteOuch that's really unfortunate. I hope things work out for you.
ReplyDeleteKind of a surprise to hear this.
ReplyDeleteBut then again, I don't really know you and I know less about your husband. And I know practically nothing about January for that matter (but I'm certainly not going to go snooping, either).
My thoughts are with you both, or of you both. Are you two still going to be "partners" in bringing up the children?
I know of no copywriting gigs, but will keep my ears open...
Normally I would say I'm sorry to hear it, but it sounds as if you've decided this is the right move for you, and as if it will be less traumatic than most divorces are.
ReplyDeleteUsually, by the time people have decided to divorce, doing so is a better option than staying married.
I do hope you'll continue blogging.
Good luck.
Oh my gosh, Leah, you and I are in the same boat. My partner and I split up back in June this year and now I'm on my own with our kids in a flat. However, my ex and I do still love each other and our relationship is going much better now that we're apart! After all my experiences and past relationships, I've come to the conclusion that men and women just shouldn't live together. We just get on each others nerves, or the excitement goes. Who invented marriage anyway? I'm astounded at the married couples who can make it work and who stay together for decades. But I know that for me I don't need to be married to someone to feel loved and if I did move in with him we'd just end up irritating each other eventually. Fact. You've got my support though. I know divorce can be a sad and miserable time. Hope you'll get online when you can. I don't have the internet, a landline phone or a TV at my place. Or a job, yet! But things are much better lately :) Hang in there and all the best.
ReplyDeleteBest wishes in this difficult time.
ReplyDelete:Carla said...
: I'm glad to hear you've chosen to do the
: right thing for yourself and your family. It
: really sucks that we live in a society that
: says physical abuse is the only reason not to
: stay in a relationship.
On the other hand, just acknowledging that physical abuse is a good reason to leave is an improvement over 60 years ago.
Best wishes !
ReplyDeleteYou might want to remove the atheist blogroll widget you have. Any blog that has it installed is being blocked by many browsers b/c of a malware warning.
ReplyDeleteSounds to me as though this is a step that you are taking after much thought and most likely discussion. I think you are both very brave and I wish you both happiness and peace. Discovering that this may be the only life we get sure puts a different spin on things doesn't it! One step at a time eh.
ReplyDeleteI know I haven't responded yet and that it's been some time, and I apologize for that, but I wanted to let you know that you're in my thoughts, especially now as it all unfolds. I can only imagine.
ReplyDelete<3
Best wishes in this difficult time.
ReplyDelete:Carla said...
: I'm glad to hear you've chosen to do the
: right thing for yourself and your family. It
: really sucks that we live in a society that
: says physical abuse is the only reason not to
: stay in a relationship.
On the other hand, just acknowledging that physical abuse is a good reason to leave is an improvement over 60 years ago.
Ouch that's really unfortunate. I hope things work out for you.
ReplyDelete