It wasn't a fear of rejection or judgment; it just seemed like the wrong moment for "coming out," and an abrupt reminder: How long has it been since I've connected with this person, whom I consider to be one of my best friends, that I haven't even told him that I'm an atheist? I've been out of touch and off balance, in more ways than I had realized.
If ever there was a week when I wished prayer actually worked, this last week was it. I'm floundering. I wish there really was a magic holy book that had all the answers. It's scary admitting that you don't know, and that there are no guarantees. I have to find my own way through this, and I might screw it up big time, and it wouldn't be part of some greater plan. It would just be me screwing up.
Stark, naked reality can be a bitch. I have the freedom to soar higher, but also to fall harder. Some days I miss believing that a loving God was overseeing it all, and that everything works out for the best in the end.