Or, sometimes I'll notice myself being meaner and angrier than usual. I don't like those feelings. That's not the kind of person I want to be. When I was religious, I might have prayed to be filled with love for my fellow beings, for help to be kinder and wiser. I'm not sure it ever actually helped. If it did, I would chalk it up to reinforcing the desire to be a better person in my own mind, not to God's grace.
On the flip side, there were plenty of times when prayer felt like I was talking to myself. In fact, I'd say the majority of prayers felt like exercises in futility. But every now and then, I'd feel a faint flicker of something beyond myself. Sometimes I miss that, even if it was just my imagination.
If you used to pray, do you ever miss it? And if so, what do you do instead?
Yeah, I talk to myself in my head all the time now :/
ReplyDeleteLike you, I also used to pray until I realized that it has no effect if I do or don't. What I miss is the illusion of being heard and cared for. I often feel lonely.
ReplyDeleteThis is a really good question. I wish I had posted it.
ReplyDeleteI think, in a way, I still pray sometimes. I just leave god out of it when I send a plea out into the cosmos.
When my troubles concern my own shortcomings and I feel like I am not living up to my potential, I usually talk it through with my real-live best friend, my husband, rather than with Jesus. I ask him to tell me when I am slipping (being a jerk) and to keep me in check.
When I am sick or hurting, I don't pray for relief or seek a Priesthood blessing. I just get my husband to feed my medicine, rub my back or feet, pet my hair and tuck me in. Seems to work just as well.
It's all placebo anyway.
Great blog, Leah. One thing I really don't miss is the robotic ritual of prayer before a meal. Which means when I'm over at my folks, I still have to sit politely while Dad mumbles the standard dinner prayer. It's sort of like a Mad-lib with places to insert different holidays or sick relatives.
ReplyDeleteI'm ashamed to say, but since I stopped thanking god for providing the meal, it has made me more concious of the person who actually did, my Mom. And I find myself complimenting her more often for it.
I knew I was officially godless when I stopped praying during takeoff and landing in airplanes. I would guess that was circa 2004.
ReplyDeleteDuring turbulence, an occasional "Oh my fucking god" will slip through my mind, before I'm quieting myself down with, "There's no god; calm down. Thank science."
I've always had an active thought life. My wife wants me to start yoga and meditation, but there's too many stigmas attached at this point to start that.
You know, I think I probably replaced prayer with blogging or thinking about blogging.
When I'm faced with tough decisions which have no clear outcome, I occasionally wish I could pray for some kind of guidance like I once did.
ReplyDeleteNow, however, I simply have patience in my own decision-making processes and ask myself what the most rational course would be and how it will affect me and those close to me.
I am fortunate to be surrounded with good family members and friends (both online and off). I now also rely on them more than I used to in getting feedback and exploring options. It's extremely helpful when I find that they've also had to make a similar decision.
This is another area where prayer has the potential to stand in the way of our well-being. It allows people to move the responsibility of their decisions to an imaginary deity.
It can also preclude them from seeking input from those in their lives that will be affected by their decisions and, in extreme cases, can leave them unmotivated to seek out objective professional or non-professional input in cases where these decisions have a profound impact on their mental and emotional health.
Yes, my stress level is sometimes higher now that I don't pray but, ultimately, I always feel more comfortable and confident with my decision since I know that it was made using the best available knowledge I had at the time it was made.
Even as a kid I felt silly praying. I had a set prayer I'd say when I actually did say a prayer. I kept it as short as possible because it was my turn to say it and we sure as hell weren't eating anything until after it was said. There were a few occasions I prayed voluntarily when I was feeling very scared and I was willing to try anything to calm me down.
ReplyDeleteSo I guess if you could say I've replaced prayer with something it would have to be that I just take a deep breath and just imagine things turning out alright. The bumps in road don't seem so big after that. For those few pot holes I just put in the back of my mind until I'm ready to deal with it.
Amazing comments for a great entry. Thanks to all of you!
ReplyDelete@Leah
"Om mani padme hum"
Repeat until transcendence.
That and maybe a few good breathing exercises.
The only time I really think of prayer these days is situations where someone's safety or wellbeing is beyond my control (like my little sister Kat driving to New Mexico at night on slush-covered black ice). I basically think, "Oh, yeah, I guess I used to pray in situations like these; it'd be nice it if actually worked," and then just hope for the best and try not to worry too much. Or occasionally I'll think about prayer just before I'm about to have a meal, and it reminds me of how grateful I am not to be under the yoke of religious belief anymore, and like Tim, I'm reminded with gratitude of the actual source of the meal. Other than that, prayer doesn't really cross my mind.
ReplyDeleteI did try praying a little while ago, just as an experiment, after my fiancé posted his "God Unknown" article. The experiment was really hard to take seriously since I felt silly and self-conscious talking to myself, but I prayed to know whether I had made the right decision about leaving the church and coming out of the closet, and deciding to marry a man. And wouldn'tcha know it? Warm fuzzies. As strong a "witness of the spirit" as I've ever had. "I could almost hear God saying, 'Well duh!'" :)
While I was going through the process of leaving my religion I did a lot of thinking about the nature of prayer. I would often pray looking for answers to questions or a way to deal with problems in my personal life, or if I worried about the wellbeing of someone else I would ask god to aid them. None of these uses for prayer are uncommon, but what I started to really disbelieve in god I had to ask myself why I found prayer so helpful.
ReplyDeleteWhat I came to realize was that I really was dealing with personal problems, and sometimes finding answers to questions while I was praying. Was it the result of a god hearing my prayers, or my mantel energy influencing the universe? No. But I was in a deep contemplative state when I prayed, and listening to my own thoughts in an almost conversational manner helped me deal with problems, calm myself down, and help myself find answers for many of my questions.
I find taking time to just let my mind wander, and to think about things that are troubling me in a meditative like state is very helpful, even talking to myself I have found helps me work though problems. Though I try to keep these mental conversations in my head and not let my self speak them out loud (I don’t want people thinking I’m crazy).
I also find writing my thoughts a good outlet for what I used to use prayer for; as well as singing and listening to music that I find moving.
This has left me still with the problem of what to do for people who I worry for the wellbeing of. With out a belief that a god is hearing my prayer and doing something about my worry I find my mental exercise less fulfilling. I suppose it helps that I have good thoughts for people in need, but only because when I think well of someone I am more likely to treat the well.
I find with out a god to believe in I do more to help others. Because I want to help and don’t have a god to rely on to do my helping for me I do more to make sure people and causes that I care about actually receive aid. I might not be asking god to help people or causes any more, but because I don’t do that I have in effect become a more charitable person and do more to help, and that gives me some solace that I didn’t find in prayer.
I prayed when I was still an agnostic, but it always felt dumb. It was like a last-gasp maneuver--a thing done in desperation. (My family never said "grace" nor did we learn the act of praying at night--I'm the unbaptised spawn of Christian-raised agnostics.) As a New-Ager (wiccan, would you believe?) I prayed in a highly-ritualized way, but still kind of knew it was wishful -thinking, more intended to work a change on *me* than the world around me. Now, I think I tend to "postively visualize" what I think I'd like to see, and try to imagine how I can bring it about in an active way. Imagining what I can and can't do brings me down to earth, and helps me recognize what I can change and what I can't.
ReplyDeleteAs a scientist re-convert I found this blog to be very fascinating and thoughtful!
ReplyDeleteA good prayer replacement is to use some visualizing techniques combined with some conscious breathing patterns. It works pretty much lust like prayer and you cannot reason yourself into it. Just do it and see what happens.
When I have troubles that are hard to solve in my life I usually feel the need of prayer. But I think this is because I was raised in a Catholic home and it's really hard to get rid of that...
ReplyDeleteNowadays I try to only wish for something good to happen and a bad thing not to happen but never mentioning a single "God" term or idiom such as "Graças a Deus" (portuguese for "Thank God") or "Deus me livre" (portuguese for " Please, God, don't allow this bad thing happen to me")...
Sometimes I betray myself and end up noticing me speaking like those, but just after noticing I start to laugh at the irony.
(Sorry about my english)
I've prayed before, but only as a sign of respect to the Buddha. Although I never did ask the Buddha to "bless" my family, it's not like I really believed that.
ReplyDeleteSince I'm an atheist now, all I do now is to think positively, and hey, it somehow feels better than prayer.
I still lift my eyes skyward and have one sided conversations, however I no longer suffer from the delusion that anyone other than myself is privy to these somewhat schizo conversations. Old habits die hard. Those conversations with "God" were cathartic and I needed them to work out feeling of helplessness, hopelessness and frustration. Just because you have come to the realization that gods are not listening does not mean that these little talks, are a bad thing. It's just harder to admit that you talk to yourself than it is to admit that you talk to god.
ReplyDeleteWhen I'm faced with tough decisions which have no clear outcome, I occasionally wish I could pray for some kind of guidance like I once did.
ReplyDeleteNow, however, I simply have patience in my own decision-making processes and ask myself what the most rational course would be and how it will affect me and those close to me.
I am fortunate to be surrounded with good family members and friends (both online and off). I now also rely on them more than I used to in getting feedback and exploring options. It's extremely helpful when I find that they've also had to make a similar decision.
This is another area where prayer has the potential to stand in the way of our well-being. It allows people to move the responsibility of their decisions to an imaginary deity.
It can also preclude them from seeking input from those in their lives that will be affected by their decisions and, in extreme cases, can leave them unmotivated to seek out objective professional or non-professional input in cases where these decisions have a profound impact on their mental and emotional health.
Yes, my stress level is sometimes higher now that I don't pray but, ultimately, I always feel more comfortable and confident with my decision since I know that it was made using the best available knowledge I had at the time it was made.
The only time I really think of prayer these days is situations where someone's safety or wellbeing is beyond my control (like my little sister Kat driving to New Mexico at night on slush-covered black ice). I basically think, "Oh, yeah, I guess I used to pray in situations like these; it'd be nice it if actually worked," and then just hope for the best and try not to worry too much. Or occasionally I'll think about prayer just before I'm about to have a meal, and it reminds me of how grateful I am not to be under the yoke of religious belief anymore, and like Tim, I'm reminded with gratitude of the actual source of the meal. Other than that, prayer doesn't really cross my mind.
ReplyDeleteI did try praying a little while ago, just as an experiment, after my fiancé posted his "God Unknown" article. The experiment was really hard to take seriously since I felt silly and self-conscious talking to myself, but I prayed to know whether I had made the right decision about leaving the church and coming out of the closet, and deciding to marry a man. And wouldn'tcha know it? Warm fuzzies. As strong a "witness of the spirit" as I've ever had. "I could almost hear God saying, 'Well duh!'" :)