Or, sometimes I'll notice myself being meaner and angrier than usual. I don't like those feelings. That's not the kind of person I want to be. When I was religious, I might have prayed to be filled with love for my fellow beings, for help to be kinder and wiser. I'm not sure it ever actually helped. If it did, I would chalk it up to reinforcing the desire to be a better person in my own mind, not to God's grace.
On the flip side, there were plenty of times when prayer felt like I was talking to myself. In fact, I'd say the majority of prayers felt like exercises in futility. But every now and then, I'd feel a faint flicker of something beyond myself. Sometimes I miss that, even if it was just my imagination.
If you used to pray, do you ever miss it? And if so, what do you do instead?