"Skyler*! Quit it! You're not in swimming lessons! You'll do swimming lessons when you're older."
I turned around to see a woman scolding a toddler who had the audacity to be climbing down the bleachers. Hmm, I thought. Well, maybe in some way she's trying to placate him with future fulfillment since he obviously wants to get in the pool but can't right now, though he does not appear old enough to have the cognitive abilities to understand what she's saying, much less comprehend getting to swim a few years from now.
It only got worse. Sitting with the mom and toddler was another little boy who appeared to be the same age, a little girl a year or two older, and a man. Then horror of horrors, the first little boy pushed a train he was playing with off the edge of one bleacher and onto the platform below. "Skyler! You drop that again, you're gonna go sit in the van with Dad!" An older boy nearby picked up the train and handed it back. "Say thank you," the mom prompted. "Say thank you!"
Good God, can that child even talk?
On and on: "Don't stand up! Don't drop that! Sit still!"
Do you people realize that you're at a swimming pool and not a monastery? And have you noticed what age your children are? I think your standards of decorum might be a tad extreme.
My son finished his lesson and came over to the bleachers. I was toweling him off when the dad said to the little girl, "Tammy! Take off your sandals the right way! Can you listen to me for a change?"
There's a right and wrong way to take off sandals?
I was relieved to get out of there. My judgment as a passing stranger sitting next to these people for about fifteen minutes is that these parents are unhappy people themselves, but I have to wonder, would they talk to co-workers or other adults this way? Even adults they didn't like?
They enrolled one of their children in swimming lessons, so it seems that they're at least trying to do something right, yet where do they get the idea that there's no need to treat their children with some basic human respect? Are they afraid of losing their position as the Authority of the Household if the children are viewed as full human beings and given any autonomy?
If this is how they talk to their children in public, how do they talk to them at home? Do I have an obligation as someone witnessing powerless individuals essentially being bullied? And by the people who are supposed to nurture and protect them? I felt sick for those kids. I certainly wanted to intervene, but didn't know what to say or do.
Swimming lessons go on for another week and a half.
*Names were changed
I think it's control issue and them being unhappy parents.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I always think it's ridiculous and mean when parents/adults don't let kids just act like and be kids.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately there probably isn't anything to be done. It doesn't sound like it rises to the level of abuse that the law would intervene in, and if you said anything to the parents, they'd most likely just get mad and take it out on the kids in private later.
ReplyDeleteSad.
I think there's a few things going on layered on top of each other.
ReplyDelete1. In general, parents really want their kids to "succeed." To many, this means micro-management.
2. Parents don't want to appear as bad parents to other parents. So you can't let the little things go as that may appear that you don't have your child in control.
3. Sometimes parents, I think, have unrealistic expectations of their kids. These expectations are easily unfulfilled and thus the scolding and nagging come quite easily.
Parents like that breed people like me: perfectionists who can never be good enough, no matter how hard they try. I try to walk the fine line with my child between letting her explore and keeping her from running amok and irritating everyone else. But if I had to micro-manage every little thing she did, I'm sure it would drive both me and her crazy. In a lot of cases, like my mother's, it's definitely a control issue. She wanted to control every situation for all seven of her children and now most of us hate her for it.
ReplyDeleteThey haven't been at swimming lessons for the last couple of days.
ReplyDeleteChris, I think you're right. Parents have their own insecurities and worry about people thinking poorly of them because of their kids' "misbehavior," so try to clamp down and keep them in line so they can look like good parents.
Britta, my mother was the opposite, queen of laissez-faire parenting, which I feel like is just as bad for different reasons. We had a lot of freedom but very little guidance and essentially ended up raising ourselves.
You laugh but my baby brother died in an accident from improper sandal removal.
ReplyDeleteI think a lot more of that type of behavior stems from worrying about other parents thinking they can't manage their kids than you might think. I know I worry about that a LOT and as a result I often find myself nagging my kids more than I need to. When I am with friends, they will tell me to "Relax! They are FINE!" And I gradually will do so! :) I am always, always worried that my kids will annoy someone just by being kids - because you never know when they will. As I get older and my kids get older I am learning to relax on my own... don't judge too harshly, or too quickly. You never know what older adults have told these parents how their kids should behave or what they should expect from their kids. Just a thought. :)
ReplyDeleteI think there's a few things going on layered on top of each other.
ReplyDelete1. In general, parents really want their kids to "succeed." To many, this means micro-management.
2. Parents don't want to appear as bad parents to other parents. So you can't let the little things go as that may appear that you don't have your child in control.
3. Sometimes parents, I think, have unrealistic expectations of their kids. These expectations are easily unfulfilled and thus the scolding and nagging come quite easily.